Mr. Claus and my Mainstream Christmas Magic

Since I've already gotten requests for "ideas for what to get the kids this year," and the neighbors have already busted out their plastic nativity scenes, I decided it's high time for me to dig up this old email I wrote to a group list I was on a few years ago when the question of how to handle Santa came up. Here it is, (now slightly edited for clarity) circa 2005, I think. . .

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The idea of Santa as a "deception" was a new one to me when I first came across it on an internet website a few years ago. That way of looking at it didn't "resonate" with me but I spent time thinking and talking about it, and Ezra was a baby at the time, so I figured I had a while.

I always loved having Santa as a child and I was probably the last child to give up all hope. I was still clinging to the 1% chance that he could be real when my third grade teacher prefaced a lecture by saying, "You guys are all too old to believe in Santa, right?" and everyone laughed. (Except me!) but I wasn't the least bit angry with my parents - I was just sad that the world was not as magical as I had wanted it to be.

In any case, I was wondering why my sisters and I never felt "deceived," and then a friend of mine lent me a book called Joyful Parenting which had a chapter about Christmas. That chapter explained exactly how I remember Santa being handled in my family - like a *game*. I think that is why I have no issues about it. . . Nobody ever outright lied to me about anything. My dad, especially, would say things like, "Geez, those must be Santa's ashy footprints there on the carpet by the fireplace!" etc. - it was all very playful.

Also my parents never told me that those Santas at shopping malls, etc. were real, like many parents do. They would tell me they were just people pretending to be Santa or something like, "Those must just be Santa's helpers."

As it happens, my husband is Jewish, and the first year we were married he demanded that we have no tree and he even refused to let me listen to Christmas music while he was around. He has gradually softened, and this year Ezra was three and a half, and my husband suddenly did a 180 and became obsessed with all things Christmas. He decided he really wanted to have Santa for his son because he only got to have Santa as a child for *one* year, after he begged his mother to allow it. (Note: he grew up in Minneapolis where Jews are scarce, so he was one of the only kids who didn't get visited by Santa). And the next year his mom told him there was no Santa, and he was devastated. To this day he still harasses her for "ruining Santa for him" - he really wanted a magical childhood, too.

(Speaking of magical, I also feel good about doing Santa because of my ties to the Waldorf community and also because of reading Magical Child, by Joseph Chilton Pearce.)

Also, at our house Santa has always used plain colored tissue paper, and we are trying to do simple gifts that are wooden or look handmade (so no "Made in China" stickers on the bottom!) My friend Mary also told me that with her kids, they wrap glitter up in all the presents from Santa, and it falls out like "fairy dust" as the gifts are opened. I love that idea!

(I am, however, totally against the "You only get presents if you're good" threat. (A.K.A. "you'd better watch out, you'd better not cry.")). (Where do the periods go in that sentence?)

I should also add that the "game" of Santa in my family never stopped. We did it all through my teens and 20s and we got gifts for my dad, too, and we'd always say things like "Hey, how did Santa's elves get a framed photo of me at graduation?" or "Hmmm. . . I guess Santa was shopping in Norway this year, too - just like YOU, Dad!" Maybe we're just dorks, but it's fun.

As far as Christmas being too mainstream, I just do what I can to make it how I like it, and I concentrate on rebelling against society in ways that don't have to do with anybody's joy.

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Thank God I was able to unearth that. . . I'm much too lazy to write about it all over again now!

I suppose I could add, though, that now that Ezra is 6-1/2, we do a lot more of saying things like, "Hmmm. . . I don't know. What do you think?"

The Waldorf Model

Here and there I think I've been mentioning my soft spot for Waldorf Educational philosophy. The truth is that I probably disagree with as much of it as I agree with, but today I shall highlight some of the things I really appreciate about it.

1. I really like the Waldorf community's belief in keeping kids off computers and away from television and other mass media/advertising. I have been to two Waldorf-community-sponsored lectures specifically pertaining to media exposure - one was by Joseph Chilton Pearce, who is the amazing and honorable author of Magical Child, which was a book a Waldorfy person recommended I read while pregnant (and I am soooo glad!!) and the other was by Jane Healy, author of Failure to Connect. Both lectures were really, really good, and very convincing. Joseph Chilton Pearce talked a lot about the flash content of television and movies, and it's effect on the "old brain." Jane Healy talked a lot about why kids appear to be learning really well on computers when in fact they are not. I have yet to read her books but I think I will do so soon.

I will admit Ezra does use the computer from time to time, and he does watch movies twice a week, so we're not totally hard core about this. We don't have a t.v., though, so the kids aren't usually influenced by commericals or low-quality children's programming, at least.

2. I really like the Waldorf idea of children having few toys, and the ones they do have being simple and made of natural materials. However. . . this is more of an ideal than an actual practice in our house. We do have plenty of natural toys, and those are pretty much the only ones I buy (one notable exception being the Duplo legos I bought at the thrift store), but lots of other people have gotten Ezra plastic rockets made in China, and all kinds of other plastic and "unnatural" toys. We have gone back and forth on our feelings about this. In general we just have way too many toys! But I aspire to be more Waldorfy in this arena. On the other hand, the older my kids get, the more influence they are going to have over their relatives, with their desires for plastic! But they really don't see too many plastic toys, since we don't have a t.v.!

3. I love the "whole child" approach to Waldorf education. They learn a lot of subjects through music and art, including math, and they make sure they are using their bodies in all the ways that nature intended (as far as I know). I love that they teach handwork to little kids and consider fine motor skills to be a very important part of development. Rudolf Steiner, whose ideas Waldorf are based on, knew what was up as far as child development - at least as far as school-aged children go. (As for his child development beliefs about infants and toddlers, I have some bones to pick.)

Anyway, I think those are the main reasons I love to stay on the fringes of Waldorf culture. I must say that once I read The Continuum Concept, I could no longer accept Waldorf philosophy wholeheartedly (I was in their adult education/teacher training program at the time), and I have just dabbled in it ever since. Lots of great people involved in the community, though, and God knows I could use some of the skills that Waldorf-educated people possess! (And so could my kids!)